Saturday, October 2, 2010

Note to Self

....and to everyone else:

Don't attempt to make a birthday card involving the use of super glue half an hour before you leave home to attend a birthday party.

Such antics could result in a severe medical condition, known colloquially here in Van as 'reptilian hand'. This occurs when you have left card-making to the last minute due to 4 outfit changes. (It's true that it's tough to choose appropriate get-up for a birthday at a Mexican restaurant where the birthday boy will end up donning a sombrero and being serenaded.)

Anyway, if you plan to use super glue to adhere a Love Heart sweet that reads 'Cool Dude' to a card for a boy you have harboured a crush on for about one third of your life, then you should avoid rushing this delicate activity. A bubble may pop up from the super glue and burst all over your left hand, rendering it unfit for use.

Even after the successful separation of glued fingers by desperate swabbing with nail varnish remover-soaked cotton pads, a scratchy crocodile-skin feel remains. This leaves the hand unfit to be touched by humans, especially any humans who might be having a birthday and for which you carry a very small, yet persistently burning torch.

However if you do encounter this difficulty, you may be lucky enough to come across transit issues on your way to the birthday, causing you to walk for 40 minutes across the city in your carefully chosen party clothes. That way you are sure to arrive at the party destination hot , sweaty and irritable which is perfect since sweat is the most convenient thing for breaking down super glue chemicals and allowing your skin to regain it's usual texture.

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