How To Achieve Super Soft Cheeks

Are you sitting comfortably? I have a funny story to tell you.

All this smiling I've been doing lately is directly correlated to the fact I went to a concert and met Sahti. It's not her real name. It's the name of a real beer though, but more importantly, the name of one of my favourite book characters.

After three weeks of meeting and eating and pretending we weren't actually dating, that we were just friends, I went to Sahti's house. I met her family, ate roast chicken (with brown skin, crucially) and her cats didn't make me sneeze.

Later, when we were sitting so close I could practically see into her pores, I finally got the cojones to kiss her. My stomach felt like it had gone white water rafting.

The next day I spent 99% of the day replaying it in my head, pausing just once when I got out of the bath and realised I was absentmindedly moisturising my bum with hair conditioner.